AISH's Imperfect Podcast
The official podcast for the Association for Integrative and Spiritual and Hypnotherapists
AISH's Imperfect Podcast
Energetic Boundaries with Patrick Singleton
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Join Patrick Singleton as he discusses boundaries of the energetic kind.
Patrick.
SPEAKER_00All right. Well, hello everybody. Thank you for being here. Um and so for thank you. So for my topic, um as people have been saying, it's like everything is dovetailing into the next piece and the next piece and the next piece. And so I want to talk about boundaries from a different perspective than we have been talking about so far, which is energetic boundaries. And what I mean by that is literally energetic boundaries. And how it started for me was um I was teaching a class, and um one of the students raised their hand and asked a question about something, and suddenly I just saw this whole thing in my head of what I thought was going on, and so I started asking a lot of questions based on that. And every question I asked, I got uh a yes to. And um so what it led to was uh a way of thinking about boundaries in terms of energy, um, that you need a little bit of visual ability to sort of think about it this way, and then I think it will make sense. And the way you can think about it is that um, well, here's the exercise that happened. So I'm working with a client, and sometimes they're describing certain things that make me go, oh, okay, I wonder if they've got this dynamic going on. So um, what I always do is I'll ask them, okay, close your eyes. And you can do that if you wish. Close your eyes, and take your mind into wherever you feel like is your center. And some people think of it very literally top to bottom, side to side, front to back, where is your center? And then just entertain the idea that from that center point your energy radiates. And the question is, how far out does it go? Does it go to the inside edge of your skin, the outside edge of your skin, a couple of inches past your skin or further? How far out does it go? And so in my office, I ask clients to do that. And the answer, the most common answer that I get when it turns out somebody has this dynamic that I want to talk about is they say something to the effect of, well, it reaches the walls in my office, which means it's going out at least a couple of feet on one side and five or six feet on the other side. So if I get that answer, then I take them out of my office and we go into the classroom and I do the same thing. And if I got that answer in the office, nine times out of ten, I get the same answer in the classroom. It reaches the walls. So what I tell what I tell them to do, or in the in the classrooms, I have a whiteboard, so I'll just draw a square and a little oval, small oval in the center, and I say, That's you, we're looking at you from a bird's eye view, that's your head. And I'll draw little little things on the side. This is your ears, this is your nose, we're looking at you from the top, and then I draw a circle that fills the box. Does that make sense? Okay, and then I draw other people come in and they have a circle, which is their energy field around them, and I go, What do you notice? Their energy is inside of yours. When you're in a room, you can't not feel everybody else's energy because your energy is so big, they've literally stepped into your energy field by coming into the room with you. And so um, the common reports that I get, or sometimes I'll ask questions about it and find out, is that they don't like being around uh a lot of people for very long. They and when I ask them the why of it, it's because it's exhausting. And then I'll ask them something along the lines of, okay, so when you're in a group of people, let's say you're with four or five friends, um, in that group, are you one of those people when people are talking about, hey, let's go to whatever? Are you the person who suggests let's do this? Or are you the one that says, Oh, whatever you guys want to do is fine? And you can guess which answer they give. Whatever you guys want is fine. And I go, and in that group, is it hard for you to be aware of what you want, what you think, what you feel? And the answer is usually yes, because they're so aware of what everybody else is thinking, what everybody else wants, what everybody else is feeling. They're pipelining everybody's feelings. And sometimes I'll ask them, have you ever been at a restaurant and suddenly you're feeling emotional, but you don't have a reason to feel emotional? And then you look around the room and you can spot somebody at a table over there who's up, obviously upset, and you're like, Oh, that's what that's what I'm feeling. I'm feeling that person's feelings. Can anybody relate to that? Oh, yeah. So when I and by the way, so sometimes, and and I've I've run up against this more recently, um, where I where the answer is different. And what I mean by that is so for people who have that expanded field that every room they go into, their energy goes all the way out, so they can feel everybody in the room. Sometimes what I get is the opposite, and their energy field is literally so close to the body that they have a similar experience because there's no boundary between them and anybody who's next to them. It's like other people's energy can come right up to their versus if your energy field is out to, you know, like the Da Vinci drawing with your, you know, the man in the sphere with the arms out. If your energy is more or less at somewhere in that distance, there's a there's a healthy boundary. People's energy can come, you can perceive it, but it doesn't come right into your face. So for the people whose energy is really close, they have these these same symptoms, but mostly it's the people who have the big energy field. And then in talking to people, what I found is that the background of that is usually they grew up in a household where one or more people in that household were not safe to be around or were unpredictable. Like you didn't know if when dad comes home from work, is he going to be safe or not? So, and if he sees you in that state, it's already too late. You need to be able to feel at a distance is it safe to be visible or not? Right? So it becomes this unconscious way of maintaining safety, or the other side is that the people are so conditional that in the household that they grew up in that they do that in order to feel from the other people what what do they want me to be? And so they these people become like the chameleon. Oh, they want they need me to be funny, oh, they need me to be this. Oh, and so they have a hard time knowing what they want because they're always so used to being the chameleon that everybody else wants. So usually as I'm explaining this to clients, they're like, oh my god, this makes so much sense, that blah blah blah. So then what I teach them as okay, if that's what's going on, here's here's one way to play with that. Here's one way that you can start to do something uh about it. And um is, and it's funny, I I forgot to bring them out. Is um oh, I do have a set, um, play with um dowsing rods.
SPEAKER_03Wow.
SPEAKER_00Are you guys familiar with dowsing rods at all?
SPEAKER_03I just got some recently. That's so wild.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so I'll just do it with run rod because it takes a while to set them up, but to give you a sense.
SPEAKER_01I got some dowsing rods a few months ago and I'm terrible at it. Every time I breathe, they move. Well, yes, it does think that's it does require some practice.
SPEAKER_00So um here's some. I have a these are fancy ones, but you can just take a um a metal hanger like from a uh like a dry cleaner's bend it in an L shape, cut off the rest, and do that. And so what you do is you start with the rods pointed straight to someone else, have them be a good distance away, 20 feet or so, and have them very slowly walk towards you. And what will happen is when they get within a certain distance, the rods will do this. Nine times out of 10, the rods will close in. When the rods start to close, I make them stop, and then I say, okay, very slowly back away, and the rods will go back out straight. For some reason, and I don't know why. For some people, it seems to be a small minority, instead of the rods going in, they'll go out to the side. I don't know if that's because somebody's energy field is so big that it pushes them out that way. But so doing that, and then and then switch roles. So when you do that, it gives you it's a little bit of biofeedback because you can look at the rods and they're giving you a visual cue of how big your energy field is, right? So then the exercise is for the client who has this big field is have the other person holding the rods for them, and then instead of moving towards them, I'll tell them, okay, send your energy to me. Very quickly, the rods will cross. Where it's challenging is I say, now pull it back. For most people, it takes three or four times longer to pull it back than to send it out. Sending it out is almost instant, but pulling it back is you can almost see them kind of look, you know, they're like straining to pull the energy in. But as they do, then the growth the rods will gradually straighten out. I say, so practice that. Think of it as a psychic push-up. Send your energy out, pull it in, send it out, pull it in with the rods so that you can see the visual cue of what you're doing with your energy. And if you do that after a while, you won't need the rods anymore. You'll know that all you have to do is think about pulling your energy in and it comes back. And then practice it when you're around other people. Pull your energy in. When you're with a group of people, pull it in. And when people do the, when they actually do the exercise, what they notice is it's easier to know what they think, what they feel, what they want in the presence of a group, instead of the moment they're alone, suddenly they're like, oh, I knew I hated that, I know I didn't want to do that. Now they know that while they're with the people. Instead of getting carried away by somebody else's emotions, they can see it, they can have empathy, but not get sucked into it. And you have more energy because the other thing is if your energy is constantly uh holding, literally holding everybody else's energy, guess what? Your system is processing everybody else's stuff. We're not designed to process everybody else's stuff. Or I mean, it's enough to process your own stuff, let alone processing everybody else's stuff and processing the people that come to you because they have stuff that they need help processing. So uh, so then this little exercise becomes a way of um it becomes your little energy um etiquette. It's kind of like that thing. Like when I came to the healing field, um the I started out doing energy work with people, body work and stuff. And they would always tell us to, you know, after a client, go into a sink and get your hand, your hands, and your and your forearms wet up to your elbows, wash the energy off, break the connection. That's how they would tell us to do it as body workers. And so this is kind of if you keep it clean and you stay in your own energy, you don't need to do that so much. Plus, there's a really other cool thing that you can do because when you've been doing this for a long time, you get used to it, even though there's downsides, the positive side is you you're pretty clued into what's going on with other people, right? That's hard to let that go. So the way that you can get the that that information without the um the downside is to in NLP, they have this thing they call perceptual positions, and the basic perceptual positions are self-other observer. All right. So if you need to feel what's going on with somebody, instead of extending your energy to include them, mentally step out of yourself, go down into them and feel their energy inside and go, oh, this is what's going on with this person. No wonder he's so bada bada bada blah. And then bring that information back to yourself. Now you have the information, but you don't have their energy. So, and that's kind of a really cool thing, too, because it becomes like a little bit of a superpower because it's a way to get to read what's going on with somebody without taking it on.
SPEAKER_02Fascinating.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I love that.
SPEAKER_01That was my whole whole early childhood, whole adult life. I've done all of that.
SPEAKER_00So so having that big energy field as a way to feel safe.
SPEAKER_01Yep, stretch it out so you know what you're walking into. Then you learn. And I I when I got into my 30s, I realized that I was manipulating everybody energetically because I knew how to fix whatever situation was going on with them. So yeah. So I was like, oh, I've been manipulating people. I didn't mean to, but once I figured out that's what I was doing, I wasn't um, you know, my intention to help people is always good, but I realized that I was trying to help them feel better because I could feel it.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And it made me feel better to help them feel better. So I was like, oh gosh, this is manipulation here. So I stopped doing all of that once I realized that.
SPEAKER_00Oh, interesting. Okay, so that's the first time I've had somebody report that side of it. Usually it's like people talk about how they've become the chameleon. And sometimes I've had to do, you know, like a whole session with just this thing on finding out because people will say, I have no, I really don't even know where I am. I don't know how to find what I want, what what what matters to me, because they've been doing it for so long that you know, it's like we know it's there, but it's like you have to go in and and and and and touch that and and open it up again. Um, either that one or the the thing about just I'm not safe unless I can read the room. You know, and when I was teaching at the hypnotherapy school and we were having classes of 30 or 40 people, um, my adaptation of that instead of expanding my energy for the room, was in my mind what I created was like a bowl that I would hold them in. So I could tune into what was in the bowl, but it was it wasn't me, if that makes sense. Yeah. And then if I had to go to like a room where they're practicing this technique, I could go to the door and like, okay, feel the room and listen to the voices and put it together as like, okay, that sounds like they're okay. Or uh-oh, I need to go in this room and find out what's going on because that does not feel okay. Um, and that was my adaptation of it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because there's a lot of the energy going on in class, everybody's healing this, that, and the other, and that's a lot to expose yourself to.
SPEAKER_00It is, but you know what? I found the the the weird thing about that is because you know, now when I'm teaching classes, I'm teaching them over Zoom, and you don't get the same thing. It's like a performer and the audience, you don't get that rush because you're not surfing everybody's energy, right? You don't get to surf that. It's like the interaction is so different in in this kind of format, you don't get to feel it in the same way. And I always loved bouncing off of people's energy because that would always take me in unexpected directions, which is why I always loved when people asked had questions. You know, the there was somebody at that school who was very sensitive about sessions, uh, questions and would get really uptight with people about questions, but I was always like, no, please bring the questions on because that's gonna make me look at it a different way that I wouldn't have thought of. So I would always find myself saying, Well, look at it this way, and uh you know, to try and frame it a different way so that person would get it. And then I always know that if that person asked that question, there's probably at least five or six other people that have that same question that just didn't have the nerve to ask it, right? So I really miss that.
SPEAKER_03Do you make a distinction between um working in that way with your students and or letting yourself be guided by the energy of what you're receiving from your clients as far as how it dictates you working with them?
SPEAKER_00Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Is there a difference to you and how you navigate that?
SPEAKER_00Totally.
SPEAKER_03Okay, totally.
SPEAKER_00I always give myself permission to trust my intuition, always, and inevitably, you know, it'll be like somebody will say, you know, when you said XYZ, that was like the most amazing thing. And I always think, okay, thank you, because that didn't come from me. I just trusted my inspiration in that moment to do something I wouldn't normally do in that with that issue or that moment, but I've learned to just trust it and go with it. So yeah, I'm always trusting that. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's you Catherine says that too, and that's something that all of us I think say, because students will say, Can you repeat that? And you say, Not on your life. That wasn't that's right. No, I don't think I can recreate that if I tried.
SPEAKER_00Yes, exactly. You know, and you know, I was in a school where you know where students were told, you know, the exact opposite, don't trust your intuition. You don't have enough knowledge yet to be able to trust your intuition, you don't have enough experience to base that on. Wow. And I was like, wow, I mean, how are you ever gonna develop that intuition unless you go with it and trust it, and then you learn from from it, you know, you learn to separate, oh no, that was actually me. That was or whatever, versus what it really is, and you learn to recognize it when it's there, and um, and you get the nerve to sometimes say things or do things that you wouldn't do because that's what's coming through for that person, right? And half the time that's how my processes keep evolving because I'll get an inspiration with somebody and then later I'll think, man, that was some good stuff. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm putting that one in. That's good. I'm hanging on to that piece. Why didn't I ever do that before?
SPEAKER_03You know, it's probably your training that that yep, it was probably that exact training that that set you on course. That's probably divine order that that was what was that polarity was was shown to you so that you would take a whole different well, yes, absolutely it was, and and that was a a thing that
SPEAKER_00I really had to work on when I left that school because I, you know, I had a very clear example of some um some a few things to emulate and some other things to go the exact opposite direction. And and it was so easy because there it was. When I didn't have that, you know, then I had to start getting more careful with myself and be pay real attention to where I would slip into my own similar patterns. Like, oh, wait a minute, I don't have that counterexample anymore. I'm sliding. I I need to check that, right? So yeah, but it was a great learning. I absolutely needed to be there. I mean, I was there for 14 years, so wow.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's usually how it happens, polarity. That's how you grow. Yeah, there's no light without dark.
SPEAKER_00Right. And so for clients, I have a little a little handout that I made that I typed up for them that gives them the instructions of how to play with a set of dowsing rods and how to like you know get their own energy field and the other person's energy field, and how to it's like a whole little little instruction thing for how to do that.
SPEAKER_03How do you reconcile that if you if you can move them on your own by your own energy?
SPEAKER_00So say a little bit more because I'm not quite sure I understand the question.
SPEAKER_03Meaning, maybe this is just my weirdness, but you know, I akin that to like a pendulum where people will use them for energetic purposes too. But I've learned that I can move it with intention, and even maybe not without intention. So, my my question is how you can really trust it what you're getting when um you know that your energy is strong and that it tends to move it in ways that you know you can affect that you mean with the rods, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. Well, that's um I think that's just kind of a um uh I mean in a way that's sort of a fundamental question in dowsing is about um the the mindset of what you're doing has to be like, I don't know the answer, and I and I want you to show me right. So there has to be like an open mind about what that is versus making a move. Now for me, I I don't know that I could do that with the rods because it takes so much um skill to just hold them still, you know. Now with a pendulum I can make a pendulum. Yeah, I can make a pendulum do anything I want. But it's all about what is like you said, it's what's the intention. So when you don't know the answer, you have to be open to well, the answer could be X, the answer could be Z. And it's the nature of your question is going to determine the quality of your answer.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00So with dowsing, like for instance, as an example with dowsing, like I have processes that have multiple steps. So one of the things that I have that I have trained myself to do is I'm working with somebody and I look at a step, and some steps don't necessarily need to be done every time. And so all I have to do is point at it with my finger, and the pendulum will tell me yes or no, they don't need it. If they don't need it, I don't do it. Sometimes they'll actually hear me go, Oh, do we need this? No, do we need that? Nope. Do we need yeah, yeah, we need this, and then and then I'll do those. And um, even when I'm asking, like if I'm asking the subconscious to clear something, the the pendulum will be doing this counterclockwise is turning something down or removing something. If you're installing something or turning up a positive intensity, it's clockwise. And I went to dinner with uh a physicist a couple of years ago at a conference, and he explained why those motions are that why removing or diminishing is counterclockwise, installing or increasing or intensifying is wait, intensifying, increasing is clockwise, removing, de-intensifying is counterclockwise from a physics perspective. And I knew I would never remember the details, but because of who he was, and he's written some books and how intelligent he is, like, okay, I'm always going to remember that you're a physicist, and you told me that, and that's good enough for me.
SPEAKER_03I know Melissa does in her chakra work, she does counterclockwise and clockwise work in the same kind of way. So, and this is fascinating, the energy work that and I love that there's different learning these different ways to work with energy because a lot of people don't know this stuff, and it's really fascinating.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, and I used to be really embarrassed, like letting my clients see it. Now I don't. I let the I let the pendulum sit out there and I'm picking up the pendulum. Sometimes I'm holding the pendulum as they're as we're doing the interview. And you know, sometimes people will say something like that it's debatable about is it true or or do they really mean it? And the pendulum will tell me yes or no. Ah and it will also tell me when they're done with the step.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01I'm bringing my pendulum into my hypnotherapy room.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's I mean, I probably have I don't know, 20 different pendulums.
SPEAKER_03And then that's a cool one that you have. I like that one.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. Yeah, that one was given to me by my mentor, my the person who taught me. And he's a person who's my age who he learned dowsing from his grandfather when he was like five years old. So he can go outside and find water, he can uh do all kinds of things, you know. He can he can use it like you can get a little chart or even use your hand as a chart to tell you how good a supplement is, or um, so all the things that you use like muscle testing for, you can do that with, but with more precision, because if you use charts, it can give you delineations by numbers or or other things.
SPEAKER_03Wow. It's just so wild that I just recently bought them like three weeks ago. And um see, this is the universe teaching you to never say never and to to to to sidestep doubt and judgment. My daughter had literally told me about she was gonna buy dousing rods. And I said, Well, Maya, why don't you just go ahead and put some tinfoil on your head too? Right? I was joking with her though, and let me just say, I'm a psyche medium, so I was joking, okay? But at the same time, um then I saw something and I bought them, and then I called her up. I said, Look what I got. And she looked at me and said, Really, really? I said, you know, when you know better, you can do better. So this is really wonderful that you're um offering up these um techniques to use them because well, yes, and that was my experience as well. Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this person came to me. He wanted to learn past life regression and natal regression. So, but on breaks, he kept talking about dowsing. And at first I kept saying, Stop talking about that. I'm not a I'm not a dowser, I'm a hypnotherapist. But then after a while, it was like, How could I have not known about this? This is so amazing, this is so cool. And then he started showing me charts, and um, it's like, oh, holy crap, there's like hundreds or even thousands of charts. So you can have charts that for different types of information. Now I've created about 50 or so my own. Um, like, yeah, degrees of honesty, trustworthiness, et cetera. I mean, all kinds of things, degree of intensity, degree of completion, degree of uh effectiveness, etc., etc., etc. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02There's there's that moon in Virgo. There you go. Details, details, details.
SPEAKER_00But when he understood, but also Scorpio's sun, right? Because it's in that area of those kind of that gray area of things that you know that sort of are in the realm of Scorpio, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00The mystical, the mysterious, the non-ordinary reality.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Well, we will have to invite you to teach on this, give a more lengthy presentation to our members to really um help out in this way. Because this is a not a subject that's that's covered quite often. So if you're interested, we would love to have you come back and teach on this.
SPEAKER_00I yeah, I'd love to.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, right. I think I have a burning question though that everybody, all of the listeners are gonna need to know. Catherine, what is your moon sign? Moon and Sagittarius, and you're a Sun and Libra, right? No, Sun and Virgo. Yeah, that's right. You're Virgo, you love Libras. You love Libras. I have I have Libra rising.
SPEAKER_02Okay, and several personal planets in Libra. I have a lot of Libra.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so Sagittarius moon, you really do like to have fun on the inside.
SPEAKER_02If we're not having fun uh and on the outside, if we're not having fun, we are doing it wrong.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Well, this was a fun night, so thank you, Patrick.
SPEAKER_03This was a pleasure. Thanks for inviting me. Well, we love to have you back, and we got we got you committed now, so we we're gonna be calling you. Yes, good. Love that, and our members will too.
SPEAKER_00Yes, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_03More to follow, indeed. Until the next time, all right, take care.